I've always wanted to do some stand-up comedy, but haven't been able to cultivate a good series of jokes mainly because I usually forget them as soon as i think of them. I was recently lamenting my lost stand-up career and decided that I'm am going to document my good jokes on my blog so that maybe they won't be lost forever. At least this way, if I don't ever repeat them in a stand-up act, they will live forever on my blog, appreciated by a few people who may read it (thanks, blog readers, for your loyalty and enthusiasm).
So here's my Stand-Up Comedy Act I (based on personal experience).
I was at work the other day, and carrying my timer around with me so it wouldn't go off while I was out of the room and bother everybody. I had to go to the bathroom, so I carried it in there with me, but as I was zipping up my pants, it almost fell in the toilet.
(everyone chuckles mildly)
I nabbed it just before it tipped off my pants and fell in, but as I was recomposing myself afterwards I thought, now how embarrassing would that be if I had dropped my timer in the toilet, and had to go back to the lab and explain to my boss that i needed a new timer because I dropped my old one in the toilet?
(more serious laughter now, come on, you know you want to)
Naturally, my boss would say, "now how can you do a thing like drop your timer in the toilet??" and I would have to point out in my defense that I did NOT do it on purpose - you don't stand over the toilet with a valuable electronic and consciously decide whether or not to drop it in.
(very serious laughter from the audience - the lady in the front row wets herself due to her out-of-control hysterics)
But, on a more serious note, next time I am carrying around my timer, I will take it off before I have to go to the bathroom, so I am not even tempted to drop it in the toilet afterwards.
That's all everybody! Good night!
(everyone stops laughing, gets up, and demands their money back for a disappointing show).
So! That concludes my Stand-Up Comedy Act I. Please let me know whether you think I have a shot in entertainment, and if you hated it, please tell me I do anyway so I don't feel too discouraged (I'm very sensitive).