Cultural Modesty

At my boss' party Sunday night I had conversed lightly with him and his wife about how tough it is for women in our field because we're modest and self-depracating, and it's hard for women to launch into such a doubtful career when she can so easily talk herself out of it (whereas men don't ponder their success potential or the nature of the job itself nearly as much). This was actually originally my boss' theory but I agree with it and have tried to stop myself from letting my womanly nature change my career path (so far none of the women that have gotten a Ph.D. in our lab have gone on to be faculty at a research university, which is my goal... I think my boss is crossing his fingers that I'll make it).

So on Friday my boss told me in all modesty that the chair of my committee (also male) thought I was a little too modest (or even self-depracating) in my 9-month committee meeting on Thursday. They're good buddies and have probably discussed his theory so I don't think they were trying to be critical, they were just watching out for me and trying to make sure I don't ruin my potential by acting too modestly about my previous successes (think: job interview coming up in September). Nevertheless, because I'm a woman, criticism is always hard to take (especially from a respected male authority figure) so it took me most of the rest of the day to swallow it. Now that I've rolled it around my head for a while I've come up with the following conclusions:

To make it in this very male profession (8/28 people in our dpt are female, which is pretty good compared with national statistics) I will need to suppress some of my very female tendencies (particularly self-depracation, but also a little of the nurturing and nesting instincts as well). However, I am female and as such can bring to the table a whole new dynamic that can also be advantageous. For example, women are generally more social than men, forming a community where they will reach out and help each other with anything from the emotional to the technical - I wouldn't want to leave this behind for any job. I think that if there are enough brave females that enter a male profession then that profession will eventually begin to appreciate them (and not just the females that behave like males in order to fit in). I make it sound simple, but really what it comes down to is that there's no easy black and white on this one - as a woman you can't just act like a male without looking like a bitch (ex Martha Stewart) but many professions aren't suddenly going to become female friendly either (they haven't yet anyway).

I have realized recently that my boss is not just my advisor but my career idol; if I can be like him I think I would be happy. Except, I wouldn't want to be exactly like him because I'm not - I'm a woman. In that respect, I will have to be like him as best I can and sort out the rest for myself, and then I will be very happy.