Monday, May 30, 2005

Conquering the RNA

My challenge, this week, was to defeat vile RNA. If you've never heard of RNA, it sounds innocent enough from the outside; it is the necessary step between DNA and protein. RNA is sort of the language DNA speaks, and for that reason I recently became interested in it. Unfortunately, RNA is elusive, it vanishes without a trace. It also demands infinite patience and duration of time (at least by my standards), and it's fragile state and finicky taste require use of chemicals that can knock you flat on your back just to keep it happy for the few hours you need it to survive. I knew going in that it was a rough and wily challenge, so I recruited the help of my naked coworker, who has a brown belt in karate, RNA weapons of mass destruction, and a fast and furious temper.

It began with a cloudy stretch of bad weather - the skies were dark and the mood in the lab was somber. I approached the situation with both intellect and brute strength; I collected and read over the battle plans, discussed my plans with my naked co-worker, cooked up a new batch of weaponry, and meditated on the roof under a full moon. When the sun came up on the third day of the week, I unleashed my fury and rage in an all-out RNA assault. It responded with terrifying resilience, pulling out moves we've never seen and taking down some of our finest equipment during its retaliation. It hissed and spit, scratched and twisted, then slithered away untouched.

I lost some hair and had a few muscle spasms, but had to regroup and try again nonetheless. I had a second meeting with my naked co-worker, and we practiced her moves and sharpened the weapons. The equipment needed fortification, the battle plans needed revising, the wounded and embittered supplies needed a pep-talk. After a second meditation, and some deep breathing and prayer, I began the battle with a terror and vengeance that was uncompared in history. After a short fight, the RNA had seen my weaponry and determination, and yielded respectfully before too much damage was done. I think I taught that RNA a lesson well learned this week, and it will remember in the future not to mess with me and my naked co-worker.

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