Hail Little Mermaid!

The little mermaid exists in real life! They're trying to turn her back into a human though. Bummer!

Conquering the RNA

My challenge, this week, was to defeat vile RNA. If you've never heard of RNA, it sounds innocent enough from the outside; it is the necessary step between DNA and protein. RNA is sort of the language DNA speaks, and for that reason I recently became interested in it. Unfortunately, RNA is elusive, it vanishes without a trace. It also demands infinite patience and duration of time (at least by my standards), and it's fragile state and finicky taste require use of chemicals that can knock you flat on your back just to keep it happy for the few hours you need it to survive. I knew going in that it was a rough and wily challenge, so I recruited the help of my naked coworker, who has a brown belt in karate, RNA weapons of mass destruction, and a fast and furious temper.

It began with a cloudy stretch of bad weather - the skies were dark and the mood in the lab was somber. I approached the situation with both intellect and brute strength; I collected and read over the battle plans, discussed my plans with my naked co-worker, cooked up a new batch of weaponry, and meditated on the roof under a full moon. When the sun came up on the third day of the week, I unleashed my fury and rage in an all-out RNA assault. It responded with terrifying resilience, pulling out moves we've never seen and taking down some of our finest equipment during its retaliation. It hissed and spit, scratched and twisted, then slithered away untouched.

I lost some hair and had a few muscle spasms, but had to regroup and try again nonetheless. I had a second meeting with my naked co-worker, and we practiced her moves and sharpened the weapons. The equipment needed fortification, the battle plans needed revising, the wounded and embittered supplies needed a pep-talk. After a second meditation, and some deep breathing and prayer, I began the battle with a terror and vengeance that was uncompared in history. After a short fight, the RNA had seen my weaponry and determination, and yielded respectfully before too much damage was done. I think I taught that RNA a lesson well learned this week, and it will remember in the future not to mess with me and my naked co-worker.

How to Write

It's tough to admit it, but sometimes my writing doesn't make much sense, especially when I'm talking about my science. I recently read a paper that was passed through our department on how to write, and it was so good (and well written) that I want to pass on some of the main principles (copied from the end of the article).

1. Follow a grammatical subject as soon as possible with its verb.
2. Place in the stress position the "new information" you want the reader to emphasize.
3. Place the person or thing whose "story" a sentence is telling at the beginning of the sentence, in the topic position.
4. Place appropriate "old information" (material already stated in the discourse) in the topic position for linkage backward and contextualization forward.
5. Articulate the action of every clause or sentence in its verb.
6. In general, provide context for your reader before asking that reader to consider anything new.
7. In general, try to ensure that the relative emphases of the substance coincide with the relative expectations for emphasis raised by the structure.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Probably to get to the other side, but the poor guy got a ticket for jaywalking!!! (As reported by CNN)

Cheers, to:

Cheers, to:

My naked co-worker, who keeps updating her blog despite her desire to destroy it, and continues to argue that you can't bomb your spouse in bed with farts (a respectful but regrettably weak argument) - and still fights society's request that she put her clothes back on.

My dad, who is making us all jealous by living the part-time at home dad dream, and also for encouraging me to write through his own writing.

My husband, who swears he's going to start a revenge blog.

Anakin, because we can all understand you better now.

The Evolution of Man and Woman

I must briefly reflect on some things I have learned from my close association with my man over the past couple of years. First, I want to point out that I try very hard not to be sexist, but after living and learning I am having a very hard time of it. There are some very fundamental differences between us that may not reflect general gender differences but sure make sense when you think about our evolution. Here are a few examples:

1. I forage, he hunts.

While I am settling for popcorn and a banana for dinner, the man is wondering what meat to cook. When we go to the grocery store, I pilfer the shelves for sales and interesting new items, lingering at displays, sometimes forgetting my initial purpose entirely. Without a list I am hopeless. He goes straight for the essentials and maintains impressive focus.

2. I nest, he procreates.

I am extremely concerned about the state of our apartment, is it clean, do I feel comfortable there, is it decorated appropriately, etc. My man never thinks about these things. From what I gather, the urge to procreate is fairly a fairly strong and dominant force, and I find it interesting that we neuter most of our domesticated pets but are living with unneutered husbands.

3. I am not as strong as him.

I wish I were, but I'm not. It really makes me mad, too.

4. I think constantly about everything, he doesn't think much about anything.

If my husband looks at a rock, he thinks "rock." If I look at the same rock, I think of just about everything else. It's a little exhausting for me and limiting for him, but I suppose we complement each other nicely that way.

5. We have an extreme difference of opinion on the sharing of feelings.

I need to talk about every aspect of every feeling I have, always. He would rather dance naked through a fire in front of his boss and co-workers than talk about his feelings.

6. I am definitely more likely to cry than him, unless you are making him talk about his feelings and he instead chooses the naked fire dance.

7. I hate driving. He doesn't mind it so much.

8. I am not very knowledgeable about cars or sports, whereas he was born with some sort of manual that keeps him regularly informed with surprising accuracy.

9. My anxiety is full-force and nearly constant; his anxiety is crisis-oriented.

10. He will forever be my jar-opening resource and hero.

Booze: A History

A weekend of visitors and celebration reminded me of the merits and downfalls of what I was more familiar with in the Golden Era (college): Booze. My experience with it may reflect the experience of many others, beginning with your first glass of beer or wine (Boone's Farm in college, perhaps something more classy these days), peaks when your armor falls, resulting in a moment of extreme honesty or adventure that otherwise may have never surfaced, and ends with the payback you face the next day. After this weekend I felt it necessary to reminisce on my history of adventure, honesty, and payback.

The adventure and honesty includes proclamations of love ("you're the best friend I ever had!") without which my friendships may have never blossomed to what they are now. In addition, my extremely honest outpourings have brought me closer to my friends by necessity to protect the secrets I divulge. The adventures are almost too numerous to count and I can only say I hope they continue. I do apologize for any broken glass, missing articles of clothing or burned carpets and walls. In addition, many of these adventures have become a legend that will be whispered about for years to come and although that wasn't the intent it has become an entertaining outcome.

Along with the adventure, I have accrued an unfortunate history of payback. Generally my hangovers aren't too terrible, and I am ready for action by noon the next day, but on several occasions I have had to put up with some uncomfortable events that took place before then. The worst include teaching spin or horse back riding lessons, playing soccer, moving, church, and long car trips. Facing my entire department during a day of talks at a departmental retreat was also extremely uncomfortable, and most recently I have learned the risky business of fighting my husband for the bathroom the next morning.

Despite the payback, as usual this weekend was an extremely good one. I saw Star Wars, visited with some old friends, got important career advice, had some good wine, and recovered all day Sunday. I owe a big thanks to all my friends for joining me in the adventure and supporting me during the payback over the years!